As the Holidays Approach...

The chill is in the air....the leaves are changing color. No one can deny the seasons are changing. Change is good for you they say. Who says that? The same people who say you should change your shampoo. Why? If it's working why change it? As we know in life changes come upon us unexpectedly. Sometimes we welcome them, other times we resist them. Change always gives us a chance to do some self evaluation and see what things need changing in our own hearts.
As the holidays quickly come and go it's inevitable we will feel that change...things will not be the same. Things will be a bit different. People missing and traditions broken perhaps. But I imagine this will give us a chance to reflect again on those who have always made the Holidays so special for us. How grateful we are for those who cook for us, that arrange everything just so it's still the same. Grateful for those who take pictures and document our family time together. And especially grateful for the ties that bind us together. Most importantly for the Legacy of Love and a Testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ. Dad and Grandma Thomas were both great examples of both. Neither one of them left much behind in this world of monetary value. But they did leave priceless gifts for their posterity. Their Love and Their Love of the Savior. For this I am eternally grateful for and we honor them by carrying on that Legacy to our Children. This will not change, this will be a tradition. Chairs may be empty but our Hearts will be full.

Angel Standing By

This song reminded me of Dad....you can listen to it on itunes....Jewel's Lullaby CD

All through the night Ill be standing over you
All through the night Ill be watching over you
And through the bad dreams Ill be right there, baby
Holding your hand, telling you everything's gonna be all right
And when you cry Ill be right there
Telling you you were never anything less than beautiful
So dont you worry, I'm your angel standing by

Tear Soup

Dear Family,
I had a wonderful day of self-care & relaxation for my anniversary celebration. Thanks to all of you for your generosity & thoughtfulness. Because of my injuries I was a bit limited as to what I could do, but I was still able to get a facial (which was wonderful), & a pedicure & manicure. The setting up in the pines at Camino was beautiful. I loved it all. Then in the evening I went to dinner & a movie with Kathy for her birthday so that just topped off the whole day for me. It was a happy, happy, fun day as Kennan would call it. I had wondered what the day would feel like emotionally since the last couple of weeks have been up & down. I've had what I call a number of "Tear Soup Moments". Those are times of sweet remembrance or sometimes deep feelings of missing & sadness that bring a lump in my throat or tears to my eyes. So with a little nudging from Annie, I decide not to work on our anniversary so that I wouldn't put myself in a position of needing to compromise myself emotionaIly for others. I share this with all of you, not so you will feel sorry for me but rather that you will know in your own relationships that it hurts a lot and it will take time to heal from such a significant loss. When you build a whole life together & love each other through "thick & thin", it creates an emotional & physical pain when the separation of death comes. I think of it as part of the price we pay for loving, but it is well worth it. I wouldn't want to miss out on the loving to avoid the pain of losing someone.The knowlege of a hereafter is certainly a comfort when someone dies, but it doesn't make you miss anyone any less when they are gone from your presence. I envision Dad being involved in the Lord's work somehow on the other side. And I rejoice in the fact that he is free of his physical limitations. But that doesn't take away the missing part & that our life together as we knew it here on earth has ended. In our case, much of that ended six years ago, though we were still able to share some good times together. But the finality of it all of course came with his actual passing. So when anyone asks me how I am doing, I try to give a sincere answer. For the most part I am happy and my life is full of joy and I am surrounded by many loving family & friends. So when I say I'm doing great, it is a truthful answer. But to those I am closest to I also share those moments when I am still mourning because I think it's important to be honest and it allows us to heal through our connections with others who love us. So again, thank you and please know how much your love & support means to me. You are great family. I love you all!!
Love & Hugs, Mom

Happy 49th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Yesterday was Mom and Dad's 49th anniversary. They were married in the Los Angeles Temple, Mom had just graduated from High School. Can you imagine? That would be my little Chelsea right now yikes! Her parents obviously trusted Dad. There was never a doubt in my mind that my parents loved one another. Dad thought Mom walked on water. I think we actually witnessed that a few times in or lives. Two amazing people. One year later, exactly, they welcomed their first child, Kathy, as their First Anniversary Gift. How grateful I am to have two parents that loved one another and always worked to have a Celestial Marriage here on earth. Don't get me wrong, we saw plenty of flaws, which made it even more real to us. This past month I have personally been reminded that my Earthly Father is proud of me and watching over me, as he is watching over all his loved ones. I feel his strength, I hear is council in my mind and feel his unconditional love sustain me. I'm sure he is plenty busy on the other side, but has not forgotten those he loves most. None of us will ever doubt his love for our Mother. I love the quote "The most important gift a Father can give his children is to love their Mother." Oh, what a sweet gift it is! Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad and Happy Birthday to Kathy!

I fell and I can't get up!!

Last Wednesday night around 8:15, Mom came home from work after shopping and was emptying out her car. Her ankle twisted and she fell on the cement and broke her shoulder. When Annie came home she called 911 and a few male friends to help Mom up. Some Hunky Firemen appeared (Mom was pretty excited about that) Paul gave her a blessing before they headed to Mercy Folsom E.R. Annie, Kathy and I sat with her until about 2:30 in the morning when the finally sent her home with a sling and heavily drugged. Poor thing she threw up as soon as we got in the car. One of the hardest moments was when they asked her what her marital status was.....she paused and told the nurse she was a widow. That just pierced through my heart. We laughed a lot watching Mom in such a drunk like state. I can't even remember exactly what she said, it was more how she said it. There we were the three sisters once again watching a loved one in pain. It was sureal...Not that we need sympathy, for this is our honor to take care of those who loved unconditionally and raised us in a loving home. Mom is home now, she can't do much, sometimes God slows you down. I'm not sure where everyone else is at with their grief, but I personally, obviously am very open about it. I am not so much sad, but in in disbelief. I can't even stand to there those words...Dad is Dead. I feel like my blood runs out of my body when I hear those word right now. Life is hard and if all we had to do was love and grieve oh how easy it would be, but there is so much else going on and we have to press forward and do our best to keep ourselves together. This is what Dad would want. Oh, I can hear him now, "Don't cry for me, Jenny, smile, I love your beautiful smile!" I'm sure he misses us too, but I feel him nearby and I think of him often during the day and it brings a smile to my face and sometimes, sometimes a tear to my eye. Life goes on without you....

My Daddy, My Hero

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life...

That saying used to be in my parents bedroom all while I was growing up. It never meant much to me then, but now as I reflect on the past few years and the experiences we've dealt with watching our sweet father deteriorate, I realize that this saying is so true. Each day brings a newness we have never experienced before. It's an opportunity to start over, or as I say have do over. To make the most of the past and most importantly learn from it.
I didn't realize today actually is two months since our sweet Daddy passed. I guess that's good it took me most of the day and someone to remind me. That's a good sign right?
Whenever Dad would walk in my home, which was always a very slow walk, before he sat down he would say, "Hey, could I get a glass of ice water?" He would say it each time as if it were the first time, and as if I should be surprised. It always made me laugh for some reason. I miss having to lift him up hoping my back wouldn't give out. I miss checking on him while he was in the bathroom. I miss seeing my dog curled up next to him and them sleeping all day together on the couch under an electric throw blanket. I miss making lunch for him, and him loving everything I would make. I miss him calling me gorgeous and smiling everytime I walked in the room. I miss him asking for BBQ Sauce or Soy Sauce for EVERY meal. Even if it already had soy sauce on it....The numbness is starting to wear off and it's becoming more real. And I don't have to like how if feels!! But, life goes on and this month I will celebrate my 18th year of being a Mother, my 21st Anniversary of being married to my best friend, the 16th Birthday of my second daughter, Alyssa. Along with Chelsea's Laurel Recognition Night, receiving her Young Women's Medallion Award, and going to her Senior Ball. She will graduate from Bella Vista on June 4th. It won't be the same without Grandpa but I know he will be smiling down on all of his as we celebrate this special milestones in our lives.