Tear Soup

Dear Family,
I had a wonderful day of self-care & relaxation for my anniversary celebration. Thanks to all of you for your generosity & thoughtfulness. Because of my injuries I was a bit limited as to what I could do, but I was still able to get a facial (which was wonderful), & a pedicure & manicure. The setting up in the pines at Camino was beautiful. I loved it all. Then in the evening I went to dinner & a movie with Kathy for her birthday so that just topped off the whole day for me. It was a happy, happy, fun day as Kennan would call it. I had wondered what the day would feel like emotionally since the last couple of weeks have been up & down. I've had what I call a number of "Tear Soup Moments". Those are times of sweet remembrance or sometimes deep feelings of missing & sadness that bring a lump in my throat or tears to my eyes. So with a little nudging from Annie, I decide not to work on our anniversary so that I wouldn't put myself in a position of needing to compromise myself emotionaIly for others. I share this with all of you, not so you will feel sorry for me but rather that you will know in your own relationships that it hurts a lot and it will take time to heal from such a significant loss. When you build a whole life together & love each other through "thick & thin", it creates an emotional & physical pain when the separation of death comes. I think of it as part of the price we pay for loving, but it is well worth it. I wouldn't want to miss out on the loving to avoid the pain of losing someone.The knowlege of a hereafter is certainly a comfort when someone dies, but it doesn't make you miss anyone any less when they are gone from your presence. I envision Dad being involved in the Lord's work somehow on the other side. And I rejoice in the fact that he is free of his physical limitations. But that doesn't take away the missing part & that our life together as we knew it here on earth has ended. In our case, much of that ended six years ago, though we were still able to share some good times together. But the finality of it all of course came with his actual passing. So when anyone asks me how I am doing, I try to give a sincere answer. For the most part I am happy and my life is full of joy and I am surrounded by many loving family & friends. So when I say I'm doing great, it is a truthful answer. But to those I am closest to I also share those moments when I am still mourning because I think it's important to be honest and it allows us to heal through our connections with others who love us. So again, thank you and please know how much your love & support means to me. You are great family. I love you all!!
Love & Hugs, Mom