I fell and I can't get up!!

Last Wednesday night around 8:15, Mom came home from work after shopping and was emptying out her car. Her ankle twisted and she fell on the cement and broke her shoulder. When Annie came home she called 911 and a few male friends to help Mom up. Some Hunky Firemen appeared (Mom was pretty excited about that) Paul gave her a blessing before they headed to Mercy Folsom E.R. Annie, Kathy and I sat with her until about 2:30 in the morning when the finally sent her home with a sling and heavily drugged. Poor thing she threw up as soon as we got in the car. One of the hardest moments was when they asked her what her marital status was.....she paused and told the nurse she was a widow. That just pierced through my heart. We laughed a lot watching Mom in such a drunk like state. I can't even remember exactly what she said, it was more how she said it. There we were the three sisters once again watching a loved one in pain. It was sureal...Not that we need sympathy, for this is our honor to take care of those who loved unconditionally and raised us in a loving home. Mom is home now, she can't do much, sometimes God slows you down. I'm not sure where everyone else is at with their grief, but I personally, obviously am very open about it. I am not so much sad, but in in disbelief. I can't even stand to there those words...Dad is Dead. I feel like my blood runs out of my body when I hear those word right now. Life is hard and if all we had to do was love and grieve oh how easy it would be, but there is so much else going on and we have to press forward and do our best to keep ourselves together. This is what Dad would want. Oh, I can hear him now, "Don't cry for me, Jenny, smile, I love your beautiful smile!" I'm sure he misses us too, but I feel him nearby and I think of him often during the day and it brings a smile to my face and sometimes, sometimes a tear to my eye. Life goes on without you....

My Daddy, My Hero

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life...

That saying used to be in my parents bedroom all while I was growing up. It never meant much to me then, but now as I reflect on the past few years and the experiences we've dealt with watching our sweet father deteriorate, I realize that this saying is so true. Each day brings a newness we have never experienced before. It's an opportunity to start over, or as I say have do over. To make the most of the past and most importantly learn from it.
I didn't realize today actually is two months since our sweet Daddy passed. I guess that's good it took me most of the day and someone to remind me. That's a good sign right?
Whenever Dad would walk in my home, which was always a very slow walk, before he sat down he would say, "Hey, could I get a glass of ice water?" He would say it each time as if it were the first time, and as if I should be surprised. It always made me laugh for some reason. I miss having to lift him up hoping my back wouldn't give out. I miss checking on him while he was in the bathroom. I miss seeing my dog curled up next to him and them sleeping all day together on the couch under an electric throw blanket. I miss making lunch for him, and him loving everything I would make. I miss him calling me gorgeous and smiling everytime I walked in the room. I miss him asking for BBQ Sauce or Soy Sauce for EVERY meal. Even if it already had soy sauce on it....The numbness is starting to wear off and it's becoming more real. And I don't have to like how if feels!! But, life goes on and this month I will celebrate my 18th year of being a Mother, my 21st Anniversary of being married to my best friend, the 16th Birthday of my second daughter, Alyssa. Along with Chelsea's Laurel Recognition Night, receiving her Young Women's Medallion Award, and going to her Senior Ball. She will graduate from Bella Vista on June 4th. It won't be the same without Grandpa but I know he will be smiling down on all of his as we celebrate this special milestones in our lives.